I woke up this morning and started compiling a list of things that help make married life grand.
If you are married you may smirk at that, but keep your mouth shut for a second (because if you are married you know how easy it is to start interrupting the other person when you want to make YOUR point) hear me out.
I am not saying there won't be lows, disconnections, and hurt feelings, that is just a small part of it. It's those times that should make the two of you come together stronger with a better understanding of each other. Sometimes you need the storms to clear the air.
In no particular order, here are 10 suggestions I like for my marriage.
FLIRT! FLIRT LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER FLIRT BEFORE
With your spouse. I don't care how long you have been together or you can't remember the last time you caught them checking you out.
Bat those eyelashes, use those funny pick up lines, and subtly touch them every time you pass them in the kitchen. I love when I flirt with my husband and he blushes.
DIRTY SOCKS IN THE HALL ARE NOT A DEAL BREAKER
Ok so your pet peeve may not be dirty socks in the hall (mine isn't either) but we all have that small stupid thing that on the wrong day can set you on fire and the next thing you know you are nagging about some bull shit socks in the hall ruining both of your nights. Don't. Just don't.
What's the thing do you do or not do that drives them crazy?
For whatever reason its just keeps happening and we all have our excuses. Too tired, late for work, there was beer in the fridge that needed drinking.... the list goes on.
The fact is, if your biggest gripe is socks in the hall, but they do so many other things to care for the household, shut up about the damn socks already!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
Do you show gratitude for the day to day things? You know the things that appear small, but after a multitude of them they mean this person is showing they love you without saying it.
Show that you appreciate them and you do notice all those little ways they go out of their way for you.
SEX. HAVE IT. A LOT OF IT.
Remember that time when you HAD to have them? Any time of day, sometimes it didn't matter where you were, you would find a way.
Then somehow your life got too busy. Or you think it did. You always had things to do or places to be, but the difference is, now you think cleaning the kitchen is more important than pulling your spouse into the laundry room for a quickie. The kitchen is NEVER more important than a laundry room quickie!
I know with the responsibility of kids and opposite work schedules, it can throw off your groove, but you must find a way to fit it in. If you have to schedule time, DO IT. Literally.
LAUGH. LAUGH YOUR ASSES OFF
We love to laugh at my house. All the time. Do silly things to make the other laugh, or crack jokes with each other. Make it a point to watch comedies on TV rather than the hundreds of dramatic soap opera type shows. Fill your home and life with laughter and people that love to laugh with you.
My favorite nights are the ones when we fall asleep laughing and then wake up and laugh about it in the morning.
DRESS NICE AND PUT ON A PRETTY SMILE
Remember when it took you forever to find which cute outfit to wear because you were going to see him? Well just because you share a closet with him, doesn't mean you stop dressing up. This goes hand in hand with #1 Dress to impress and watch as you catch his eye as you walk in the room. I love to dress up for myself, but seeing his expression is fun too.
SHUT THE FUCK UP! PLEASE :)
Every relationship has it's lows and at that time when you are feeling disconnected and you insist on getting your point across, it is easy to forget to listen to their side or their feelings. Don't repeatedly interrupt them and only state your point. There are two of you and the reason you are not connecting is because BOTH of you have thoughts and feelings of your own and the other is not getting it.
Don't just hear them. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN! You may learn something new about them or something that hurts them in a way you refused to accept because you wouldn't stop talking over them.
BFF's FOR LIFE
This person that you married is your numero uno. They are your unconditional supporter, your right hand man, your co-pilot in life. Hang out with them. Go on dates. Silly ones. Break away from the responsibilities of your home and get out together. Hang at the park, go for hikes, find an active hobby together to laugh and bullshit with each other. Girls nights are fun, but I prefer the company of my husband and our groups of friends.
The best part about this is, you get to see your best friend naked all the time. Yaya!
Come up with a game plan for your lives. Whether it's a 1 year plan or a 5 year plan, you need a plan. What are you working toward together? Life throws some funky curve balls, so you have to talk about these plans regularly. And if plans change, that is good too. Sometimes change can be very exciting and take you out of your comfort zone. It forces you to grow. When life is busy and you are both working your butts off, it helps to have a common goal.
Form a huddle, shout out the next play, slap each other on the ass, and go get it!
IT TAKES TWO (to make the things go right, it takes two to make it out of sight) *insert funky beat*
What I mean is, you are married to only that one person so only you two know what is acceptable in your marriage and only you two matter when it comes to opinions and feelings. There may be times you need to cry and vent to your friends, but when its all said and done, work it out with your spouse and do what is right for you.
I hope my silly list made you laugh and also gave you some useful tips for your own relationship.
Marriage is a lot like the title of this blog. Lovely Bits of Choas.
You have the choice to love the bits and laugh at the chaos.
Livin' Laughin' Lovin'